Photo by Kristin Brown | https://tricy.cl/2VdDZ5m
In the “Advice from a Mindfulness Teacher” column from Spiral, the Rubin Museum’s annual magazine, readers submitted questions about applying mindfulness practices in their daily lives. Here, mindfulness instructor, social worker, and researcher Ayman Mukerji Househam shares her guide for mindfully dealing with an unruly preschooler.
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My preschooler son is amazing until he decides to be defiant. He’ll put his foot down and simply refuse to listen to what we ask him to do. This happens at least a once a day. Recently at the playground we gave him a five-minute reminder that we would be leaving, and he seemed OK, but when the time came he threw an epic tantrum. Our morning routine is the worst of all. When we are finally out the door (after a LOT of coaxing!), he starts crying, stands still, and does anything he can to delay leaving. We have tried many things—bribing him, carrying him, trying to reason with him—but to no avail. Is there something wrong with my child? Please help!
Sounds like you have pulled out all the stops to deal with your son’s strong will. I understand that you may be feeling helpless, but you can take heart that your child’s behavior pattern is most likely a healthy developmental milestone. His motor skills are improving rapidly, enabling him to explore his surroundings independently. He is also developing a sense of self, trying to define who he is and what he can do. So you find him exerting himself, pushing and experimenting with boundaries, which stems from his evolutionary need to learn life skills and establish autonomy. But a lot of his inexperienced adventures might be dangerous—like playing with a kitchen knife—or simply unacceptable, such as a whim to decorate your family photo with ketchup. It isn’t surprising that his misadventures are therefore frequently met with the word no, leaving him confused and disappointed. Now you are the lucky one with the responsibility to encourage his independence while teaching him limits. Sounds like a tall order! Let me share a step-by-step guide on how to manage these situations.
